Crazy topsy turvy world...

So what to do when you sister is about to make a mistake, but at the same time your a little relieved that she will be out of sight, out of mind. That is my dilemma. I love my sister and when she had a problem I did all I could to help her, but in the end it was my sending her away that got her to get clean.

Unfortunatly, while away getting sober she also got knocked up. To say I was a little upset on the inside doesn't quite cover it. Then she started running around up there in the OK state talking about how she wanted to come home, so my mom and I both made it happen which left us both broke as hell, but what else could we do? So home she flew.

A month later off she is flying back to what she was running away from. Hmm...I will miss her and I'm sorry that I won't get the chance to see my niece's birth, but she is an adult and I had to learn a long time ago with a lot (and I mean years) of help from counselors that I have to let her grow up and that I can't force her to walk the path that I think is right.

Do I think she is going back because it is best for the baby...NO. Going back cause she really loves her baby daddy...NO. Going back because she can't handle life without a man and DRAMA!...ding ding ding....RIGHT ANSWER! That above all else makes me upset. She just can't survive with out the attention of men. I feel sad that she needs him to make her day worth it, but again with the whole can't make her walk the path that I think is right.

Only time will tell how this will work out, but I love her and my niece regardless of all the shit that is going around.

Live, Love, Laugh...then do it all over again.

illusyon

Breathe through Anxiety

Hmmmmm....So a few years back I had major anxiety and depression. Can I say that as of right now I am all better...I mean it has been almost 6 years since being diagnosed...but sadly the answer is a big fat NO!

Some people think that it is not an actual occurence can I tell you now that it sure is. For people who have never had anxiety so severe that you think you may be having a heart attack, or can't seem to stop crying and dont know why, you may think it is all in the persons head and all it takes is a little bit of breathing. Let me tell you it isn't always so simple.

Cause sometimes I don't even know what has me in an anxiety frenzy. As a perfect example my cousin had never had a anxiety type panic attack before so when she started having an elevated heart rate, trouble breathing, and chest pain she really thought she was having a heart attack. She ended up going to the ER because she had never experienced something like that before.

I personally don't really know what all of my triggers are but I do know that sometimes I can pin point what is causing it and I think through the situation and reinforce that what is causing me to panic and have anxiety is something that I can overcome. However if I have no idea where it is coming from all I can do is let it simmer or go to my psychologist for some couch time where I have to really reason out where it is stemming from and how to cut off the flow of anxiety that is happening.

It is the can't seem toformulate a thought outside of my mind yet my mind is jumping to and fro, and to and fro. Running in circles that I can't even comprehend. Heart pounding feeling like it is about to claw its way right out of my chest. Throat flexing and closing off. Air is feeling really thin like there ain't enough around for me to get to. Tears coming to my eyes for no apparent reason other than I am having a panic attack and can't control it.

I seek out a quiet place to put my head down, let the tears fall, and breath as loud and a long as I need. Sometimes a sharp object to bleed the panic out to let it flow from my arm, sholuder, thigh, ankles, or any other 3easy access surface. Until I can think again, breathe again, and live again.

Anxiety isn't a joke for those that have it. Anxiety isn't always easy for those who have it to explain and those that don't to really understand what it is and how much it really does affect people.

I keep on struggling a day at a time, sometime a minute at a time until I can breathe again...

illusyon

Eternal Kiss of Darkness

So folks this book here - "Eternal Kiss of Darkness" - is the second installment in the Night Huntress World Series by Jeaniene Frost which is a spin off series from the Night Huntress series. If you are a fan of the Night Huntress series; my question to you is how can you not want to read about the surrounding characters? Cause I sure as hell do.

I myself am a huge fan of Cat & Bones and their sesries so I goobled up the Night Huntress World books like they were going to go out of style quick.

The "Eternal Kiss of Darkness's" hero and heroine are Mencheres (Bones' grandsire and Co-Ruler of their line) and Kira Graceling (private investigator with instincts that are a sure thing). When Mencheres loses some of his legacy powers -- visions, and his personal person location gps -- he believes he is on his way out of this world. He makes a good showing of suicide via ghoul but it turns out that he can't see himself sacrificing the human women brave enough to step in to save a stranger.

Kira has her own life going on but instanly even as a captive in a golden cage feels in expicably drawn to her tall, dark, and hella hot host. She doesn't know why, but she is fighting a bad case of stockholm syndrome.

This book has a lot of character depth and growth. Mencheres stays true to what I saw him as in the Night Huntress series - the all powerful guy who does for other but doesn't believe he derserves due to guilt for past actions. Kira is a strong companion which surprises Mencheres at every turn.

For those fans who hold there breath for glimpses of Cat and Bones you will be happy that they do apprear in a few scenes in this books. More so than in the first one. The relationshp and struggles of these chracters are what to me makes this book worth reading. I am beyond glad that Mencheres got his book and a chance to get his girl.

Love the world that surronds them and I have to say that there were suprises for me in this book it isn't always the case with some books or authors. Another great stop on my literary adventures.

Can't wait for "This Side of the Grave" by Jeaniene Frost - the 5th book in the Night Huntress Series with a tentative release date of February 22, 2011 according to Ms. Frost's office website http://www.jeanienefrost.com/.

Until next time I'm wishing you many great reads and many new authors to add to your very own literary adventure.

Live, Love, & Laugh...while reading.

illusyon

It's a Movie...Clash of the Titans

I was surprised that I enjoyed this movie so much. I had seen the preview at some point and it just didn't look like a movie that I would enjoy. I typically like greek mythology type movies and shows, but something about the movie just turned me off. I am happy to say that I was wrong and that I was hooked from the beginning to the end.

The movie wasn't to complicated or crazy confusing like some time pieces are for me. At first thought I saw it as strictly a guy type action movie, and don't get me wrong their was a lot of fight scenes and guy stuff going on, but reading in the lines picks up a under tone of self sacrifice and doing what is right not only for yourself but for other. A man willing to avenge his adopted family even against his biological father.

I made the statement to my cousin and sister that I was surprised that the hero character didn't get with the chick in the movie typically that is a guarantee in action movies. But to no avail there is not love scene for our hero which I enjoyed because I think that is overdone. It isn't all surprises or over complicated but I love the fact that the hero was a hero not just in name or words but in actions.

Over all I am so glad that I watched it and gave it a chance. Up until the opening I was sure I was going to be bored out of my mind and not interested. Wrong.

Live, Love, & Laugh while reading...

illusyon

My Goodness I'm Confused

My my my I can't seem to make up my mind. I go from wanting to return it to searching on Amazon for a cover. Bought it by the way and it is f*n cute as heck. I had to literally put away my credit card before I went an spent another $25.00 on ebooks that I might not be able to read if I decide that the Nook isn't for me.

Here's to hoping that I am able to stop my self from purchasing anymore accessories for the Nook that may get its pink slip and returned to the stork I bought it from. I would hate to offend those who are actually bipolar but man I feel like I am on a roller coaster of fudged up mixed and mashed emotions. Yesterday, Happy, happy, joy, joy, all up on the yellow brick road on my way to Emerald City with my peoples, next I am on my way to panic attackville with a side of gloomy. Pick one already, Grrrrrr!

I am hoping that I form a closer bond with the Nook. Part of me sees the benefits, but other times I only see the downs. Whew...I just gotta breathe through these crazy panic attacks. DAMN YOU buyers remorse!

Books - Some say that real life is the only way to go, but I say there ain't nothin' wrong with taken some detours in a fictional world where the good always triumph and love is something that makes you stronger not crazy to the point where you end up on that show snapped...yeah I know some of chicks head'n in that direction. Put the knife down, I ain't got bail money! Thats a whole other story though...

Love, Live, & Laugh...while you read

illusyon

The start of a rocky relationship

So on July 16, 2010 I took my ass to Barnes and Noble and picked myself up a Nook. I have been thinking about getting an eReader for a while but was so confused as to which one to get with my limited funds. I mean sure it would be great if I had an extra $400.00 just sitting around to spend on something that many would consider a luxury, but I don't.

I went it with my mom, sister, and nephew & spoke to a guy and I bought it. I picked up the Nook with Wi-Fi not the 3G. Like I stated earlier it was rough to collect enough money just to get this one. I was hella excited. When I got home I took it out and I took pics of it in the box. I read the guide, and the 8 page contract of lawyer speak. Plugged it in and then throughly passed the hell out.

Woke up this morning hella excited and I have internet at home but (to be completely honest I am not the most computer savvy person out there) I ended up having to walk on up to my local coffee bean to register the nook using the hotspot their. I was excited and wanted to blog how much I loved it, but my love affair quickly turned sour when....

I had a huge panic attack. I am an avid and self addicted reader. The thought of something happening and my losing my electronic books is a frightening thought. I am primarily a Border's fan but now I have a Barnes and Noble product that will use primarily B & N eBooks.

To be completely honest I will be contemplating returning the Nook and not getting a eReader period. I admit I have some commitment problems. If I can't physically hold the book I'm a little nervous. I was one breath relaying to my sister and cousin that the only things that I can think of happening to my physical books is - God/Universe/Powers that be forbid - a apartment fire, extreme flooding, or another avid reader thief who comes in to steal them.

Imagine spending a couple hundred on books and then all of a sudden that shit is just gone...just thinking about it makes my heart race and my eyes water.

Well for now I still own the nook and have approximately 12 days to return it to B & N. I will continue you to blog on my newest adventure in to the world of BOOKS or rather eBooks and the Nook.

All the best on all your real life adventures and most importantly the literary ones.

illusyon