illusyon
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Just so you know
Just so you know that blogs posted today, January 22, 2011 are those that I have gathered from the different blog site I have had. Still my thoughts though or I wouldn't put them up.
Be You...
It’s sad, but it is true. The truth will set you free. Trust is everything. Be honest with yourself first then be honest with those around you. Let them see you for who you are. They like it or they don’t but at least you know where you stand. No guess work just the straight out truth.
Don’t build any relationship on lies. Not familial, friendship, romantic or any other type of relationship that you could build with others and even with yourself. If you build it on lies, misrepresentations, omissions, misconceptions, and assumptions when the light is shown on the flaws the relationship fails miserably because you built it not on truth but on lies and shit that can’t stand on its own.
You don’t have to take my advice. Most people don’t realize what it is I’m talking about until after it slaps them in the face. You don’t have to admit it to me but admit it to yourself. Be honest so that there is no confusion between you and everyone around you.
Be you! Do you! Love you! No really cause I love you!
The universe is in my thoughts there by so are you...
illusyon
Forever Friends?
Friends forever doesn't really make much sense to me. You have people who are friends and some times you are friends with them for decades but is it really ever a forever friendship. Forever is a long time and there are so many bumps in the road that can throw your friendship for a loop that it doesn't make it through.
You have friends that you call when you need help and then you have those friends that call you when they need help. You have the friends that you can have their back cause you believe in the fight that they are fighting and then you have the friends that you hope don't call you cause man they bring the drama with a capital D.
How can you love them with all you have and then on some days wonder why you are even friends with them in the first place. It happens way too often to me. Though maybe it isn't the people I call my friends that are the problem maybe it is me that is the problem. I started down a road that was messed up and I hate to lose faith in people but it happens to the best of us.
I raise my glass (well my virtual glass of blueotter) to those that have forever friendships. That have friends that are there for them just as much as you are there for them. It isn't a fictional friendship but one that people need.
Everyone needs someone who is there for them when the times get hard, when you just need a laugh, or when your boyfriend cheated on you and you need a get away car for when you key the shit out of his car.
Keep looking for that person or persons if your lucky enough.
For those that think that the job requirements for a forever friends sound a lot like what a significant other...think again cause then who would drive the get away car if you got to key your lying good for nothing significant others car. Think about it.
You have friends that you call when you need help and then you have those friends that call you when they need help. You have the friends that you can have their back cause you believe in the fight that they are fighting and then you have the friends that you hope don't call you cause man they bring the drama with a capital D.
How can you love them with all you have and then on some days wonder why you are even friends with them in the first place. It happens way too often to me. Though maybe it isn't the people I call my friends that are the problem maybe it is me that is the problem. I started down a road that was messed up and I hate to lose faith in people but it happens to the best of us.
I raise my glass (well my virtual glass of blueotter) to those that have forever friendships. That have friends that are there for them just as much as you are there for them. It isn't a fictional friendship but one that people need.
Everyone needs someone who is there for them when the times get hard, when you just need a laugh, or when your boyfriend cheated on you and you need a get away car for when you key the shit out of his car.
Keep looking for that person or persons if your lucky enough.
For those that think that the job requirements for a forever friends sound a lot like what a significant other...think again cause then who would drive the get away car if you got to key your lying good for nothing significant others car. Think about it.
illusyon
Friday, January 7, 2011
WTF Mannnnn!
What was that you just said...YOUR GETTING MARRIED ON MY BIRTHDAY? Yup. That was what I thought she said. Getting birthday messages and calls from sisters and loved ones is totally normal, but getting a phone call where your sister says she is giving you a gift and guess what that gift is...it is her marriage. NO STOP RIGHT THERE!
I don't really know or like the guy. She's only known him for a little over a year and she is 8 months and 1 week pregnant. She in her very sweet way, but rather dim witted way may have thought I would love the idea of her getting married on my birthday, but no. I don't like the idea and told her very nicely while saying "you will not get married on my birthday" & "Why? Because it is my birthday." When asked by our younger sister "Forget about why today, but why are you getting married period to him?", she replied "we want to get married before the baby gets here." I have to second my younger sister reply to that when she said, "marriage isn't about babies; it is about love, so what the hell does Fayth (our soon to be born niece) have to do with it? Why your getting married?"
In the end she didn't get married, but even now I am still angry about it. Does anyone really chose the birthday of one of their sibling to get married on. I sure as hell wouldn't.
Have a Blessed Night,
illusyon
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Crazy topsy turvy world...
So what to do when you sister is about to make a mistake, but at the same time your a little relieved that she will be out of sight, out of mind. That is my dilemma. I love my sister and when she had a problem I did all I could to help her, but in the end it was my sending her away that got her to get clean.
Unfortunatly, while away getting sober she also got knocked up. To say I was a little upset on the inside doesn't quite cover it. Then she started running around up there in the OK state talking about how she wanted to come home, so my mom and I both made it happen which left us both broke as hell, but what else could we do? So home she flew.
A month later off she is flying back to what she was running away from. Hmm...I will miss her and I'm sorry that I won't get the chance to see my niece's birth, but she is an adult and I had to learn a long time ago with a lot (and I mean years) of help from counselors that I have to let her grow up and that I can't force her to walk the path that I think is right.
Do I think she is going back because it is best for the baby...NO. Going back cause she really loves her baby daddy...NO. Going back because she can't handle life without a man and DRAMA!...ding ding ding....RIGHT ANSWER! That above all else makes me upset. She just can't survive with out the attention of men. I feel sad that she needs him to make her day worth it, but again with the whole can't make her walk the path that I think is right.
Only time will tell how this will work out, but I love her and my niece regardless of all the shit that is going around.
Live, Love, Laugh...then do it all over again.
illusyon
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Breathe through Anxiety
Hmmmmm....So a few years back I had major anxiety and depression. Can I say that as of right now I am all better...I mean it has been almost 6 years since being diagnosed...but sadly the answer is a big fat NO!
Some people think that it is not an actual occurence can I tell you now that it sure is. For people who have never had anxiety so severe that you think you may be having a heart attack, or can't seem to stop crying and dont know why, you may think it is all in the persons head and all it takes is a little bit of breathing. Let me tell you it isn't always so simple.
Cause sometimes I don't even know what has me in an anxiety frenzy. As a perfect example my cousin had never had a anxiety type panic attack before so when she started having an elevated heart rate, trouble breathing, and chest pain she really thought she was having a heart attack. She ended up going to the ER because she had never experienced something like that before.
I personally don't really know what all of my triggers are but I do know that sometimes I can pin point what is causing it and I think through the situation and reinforce that what is causing me to panic and have anxiety is something that I can overcome. However if I have no idea where it is coming from all I can do is let it simmer or go to my psychologist for some couch time where I have to really reason out where it is stemming from and how to cut off the flow of anxiety that is happening.
It is the can't seem toformulate a thought outside of my mind yet my mind is jumping to and fro, and to and fro. Running in circles that I can't even comprehend. Heart pounding feeling like it is about to claw its way right out of my chest. Throat flexing and closing off. Air is feeling really thin like there ain't enough around for me to get to. Tears coming to my eyes for no apparent reason other than I am having a panic attack and can't control it.
I seek out a quiet place to put my head down, let the tears fall, and breath as loud and a long as I need. Sometimes a sharp object to bleed the panic out to let it flow from my arm, sholuder, thigh, ankles, or any other 3easy access surface. Until I can think again, breathe again, and live again.
Anxiety isn't a joke for those that have it. Anxiety isn't always easy for those who have it to explain and those that don't to really understand what it is and how much it really does affect people.
I keep on struggling a day at a time, sometime a minute at a time until I can breathe again...
illusyon
Some people think that it is not an actual occurence can I tell you now that it sure is. For people who have never had anxiety so severe that you think you may be having a heart attack, or can't seem to stop crying and dont know why, you may think it is all in the persons head and all it takes is a little bit of breathing. Let me tell you it isn't always so simple.
Cause sometimes I don't even know what has me in an anxiety frenzy. As a perfect example my cousin had never had a anxiety type panic attack before so when she started having an elevated heart rate, trouble breathing, and chest pain she really thought she was having a heart attack. She ended up going to the ER because she had never experienced something like that before.
I personally don't really know what all of my triggers are but I do know that sometimes I can pin point what is causing it and I think through the situation and reinforce that what is causing me to panic and have anxiety is something that I can overcome. However if I have no idea where it is coming from all I can do is let it simmer or go to my psychologist for some couch time where I have to really reason out where it is stemming from and how to cut off the flow of anxiety that is happening.
It is the can't seem toformulate a thought outside of my mind yet my mind is jumping to and fro, and to and fro. Running in circles that I can't even comprehend. Heart pounding feeling like it is about to claw its way right out of my chest. Throat flexing and closing off. Air is feeling really thin like there ain't enough around for me to get to. Tears coming to my eyes for no apparent reason other than I am having a panic attack and can't control it.
I seek out a quiet place to put my head down, let the tears fall, and breath as loud and a long as I need. Sometimes a sharp object to bleed the panic out to let it flow from my arm, sholuder, thigh, ankles, or any other 3easy access surface. Until I can think again, breathe again, and live again.
Anxiety isn't a joke for those that have it. Anxiety isn't always easy for those who have it to explain and those that don't to really understand what it is and how much it really does affect people.
I keep on struggling a day at a time, sometime a minute at a time until I can breathe again...
illusyon
Eternal Kiss of Darkness
So folks this book here - "Eternal Kiss of Darkness" - is the second installment in the Night Huntress World Series by Jeaniene Frost which is a spin off series from the Night Huntress series. If you are a fan of the Night Huntress series; my question to you is how can you not want to read about the surrounding characters? Cause I sure as hell do.
I myself am a huge fan of Cat & Bones and their sesries so I goobled up the Night Huntress World books like they were going to go out of style quick.
The "Eternal Kiss of Darkness's" hero and heroine are Mencheres (Bones' grandsire and Co-Ruler of their line) and Kira Graceling (private investigator with instincts that are a sure thing). When Mencheres loses some of his legacy powers -- visions, and his personal person location gps -- he believes he is on his way out of this world. He makes a good showing of suicide via ghoul but it turns out that he can't see himself sacrificing the human women brave enough to step in to save a stranger.
Kira has her own life going on but instanly even as a captive in a golden cage feels in expicably drawn to her tall, dark, and hella hot host. She doesn't know why, but she is fighting a bad case of stockholm syndrome.
This book has a lot of character depth and growth. Mencheres stays true to what I saw him as in the Night Huntress series - the all powerful guy who does for other but doesn't believe he derserves due to guilt for past actions. Kira is a strong companion which surprises Mencheres at every turn.
For those fans who hold there breath for glimpses of Cat and Bones you will be happy that they do apprear in a few scenes in this books. More so than in the first one. The relationshp and struggles of these chracters are what to me makes this book worth reading. I am beyond glad that Mencheres got his book and a chance to get his girl.
Love the world that surronds them and I have to say that there were suprises for me in this book it isn't always the case with some books or authors. Another great stop on my literary adventures.
Can't wait for "This Side of the Grave" by Jeaniene Frost - the 5th book in the Night Huntress Series with a tentative release date of February 22, 2011 according to Ms. Frost's office website http://www.jeanienefrost.com/.
Until next time I'm wishing you many great reads and many new authors to add to your very own literary adventure.
The "Eternal Kiss of Darkness's" hero and heroine are Mencheres (Bones' grandsire and Co-Ruler of their line) and Kira Graceling (private investigator with instincts that are a sure thing). When Mencheres loses some of his legacy powers -- visions, and his personal person location gps -- he believes he is on his way out of this world. He makes a good showing of suicide via ghoul but it turns out that he can't see himself sacrificing the human women brave enough to step in to save a stranger.
Kira has her own life going on but instanly even as a captive in a golden cage feels in expicably drawn to her tall, dark, and hella hot host. She doesn't know why, but she is fighting a bad case of stockholm syndrome.
This book has a lot of character depth and growth. Mencheres stays true to what I saw him as in the Night Huntress series - the all powerful guy who does for other but doesn't believe he derserves due to guilt for past actions. Kira is a strong companion which surprises Mencheres at every turn.
For those fans who hold there breath for glimpses of Cat and Bones you will be happy that they do apprear in a few scenes in this books. More so than in the first one. The relationshp and struggles of these chracters are what to me makes this book worth reading. I am beyond glad that Mencheres got his book and a chance to get his girl.
Love the world that surronds them and I have to say that there were suprises for me in this book it isn't always the case with some books or authors. Another great stop on my literary adventures.
Can't wait for "This Side of the Grave" by Jeaniene Frost - the 5th book in the Night Huntress Series with a tentative release date of February 22, 2011 according to Ms. Frost's office website http://www.jeanienefrost.com/.
Until next time I'm wishing you many great reads and many new authors to add to your very own literary adventure.
Live, Love, & Laugh...while reading.
illusyon
illusyon
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